When I left New Zealand on the 15th of March, 2013 I never expected this journey to be easy. People often asked (and still do) “How long are you planning on staying in South Africa for?” I always answer that question the same way: “As long as we’re having fun.” We never came here with the expectation to earn a lot of money or to build a million dollar career. We came here to get rich in a much bigger way, to grow as a person and gain life experience.
Looking back over the past 7 months, a lot has happened and I guess you could say, we have succeeded pretty well in that sense. It has been far from easy, but still, I wouldn’t change a thing. Dealing with goodbyes (which, after moving to the other side of the world in 2005, have become quite the traumatic experience), loved ones getting sick, not being there to support them, accidents that make you think about death and dying, relationship issues, ill health, not having any friends around you and then to top it off, working with a person, 7 days a week, who affects your happiness in such a way that you start falling back into a deep depression.
“So why are you still there?” I hear you ask. Trust me, I have asked myself that question many times.
I’ve been dealing with some existential questions, such as “Why am I here?” “What is my purpose?” “What is the message that is being thrown at me?” and it’s fair to say I haven’t quite figured them out (and probably never will). Honestly those type of questions drive you mad and don’t tend to help the situation when you’re feeling a little stuck in life, but I believe that everything happens for a reason and despite the hard times, we have also had many, many good times. I have met some incredible people, experienced some breath taking moments and have grown so much as a person. I’ve learned to not be petrified of making mistakes, to face my fears head on and feel like I can handle anything that’s being thrown at me.
I started reading this book called “The Power of Now”. It focuses on living in the present, not dwelling on the past or future. It teaches you to become aware of your current situation, right this second. Not a minute ago, or a minute from now, but right now. Because while you are reading this, there is nothing for you to be afraid of, concerned about or worse. (Unless you’re inside a burning house and your life is in danger, in which case I recommend you stop reading this and get out!) Right this second you are ok. This book helped me to deal with my bosses attitude and to stick it out for 3 months, to understand why she was acting the way she did and to forgive and forget. It was very difficult at first, but slowly I started being able to deal with it (a little) better.
However, there comes a point in time, after you feel like you have done everything in your power to deal with a certain issue, where you say “enough is enough!” and move on. One person doesn’t have the right to make me feel miserable, treat those around her like they are scum and affect so many people’s happiness.
It’s time to say “Fuck it!” and think about me. I have done my best for Lances sake and to be there for my other boss, but tomorrow morning we are leaving Toro Yaka and start the next chapter in our lives. I’m sad to say goodbye to Steve and the staff, who have become great friends, but excited to move on.
We will be staying in Marloth, which is a reserve near the South of Kruger National Park, while we search for work and recharge our batteries. We won’t have internet access while we are there, so this might be the last post for a bit, but no worries, I will continue to take photos and write down what’s happening and will upload it as soon as I can.
Anyway, let’s finish this novel with some photos and remember to tell the world to go screw itself every now and then. We all deserve to be happy, life’s way too short anyway. I dare you to make a change in your life today, whether it’s big or small, something you’re not happy with and just say “Fuck It!”.