“Imagine if dad had died when he had his car accident 24 years ago”.
I’m sitting outside, in the sun with mum as we talk about how it seems that whenever something good happens in our lives, something bad happens as well. Almost as if something or someone is reminding me to stay grounded, to be humble and bring me back to reality when getting too caught up in one particular event.
I think about what mum has just said. What if dad actually had died? I wouldn’t have remembered him anymore, I wouldn’t have the brother I’ve known for 16 years, I most definitely wouldn’t have moved to New Zealand, become friends with the people I am now so close with and have the memories and experiences I have today. Everything would have been completely different.
It’s crazy to think how one second can change the entire direction of your life, how one decision can mean life or death, happiness or sadness, failure or success, war or peace.
It’s been a while since I last wrote a blog-post and to be honest it’s because I wasn’t sure what to write about. So much had changed again in my life, some good, some bad, some happy, some sad and I needed time to sort things out in my head before I rambled on about my thoughts like a crazy person.
But, it’s the start of a new year and my brain has somehow made sense of the, let’s call them, lessons life has thrown at me.
And yes, did I learn some lessons! As it turns out, it’s not selfish to think about yourself instead of always putting others first (who would have known, right!?). Also, when a guy tells you he’s actually not that keen on anything serious after telling you he loves you and traveling over 3000km’s to see him, you run and go shopping, possibly slap him in the face, take his money and buy yourself some nice shoes. You do not, I repeat DO NOT say “It’s ok, I understand”!
Oh and if he’s still in love with his ex… you stay away. Just don’t even go there… for GOD’S SAKE FLEUR!
Where’s the self-respect, right?! In other words, there’s been some pretty lousy decision making going on in the last year.
But, fast-forward to January of 2016 and things are looking up. I mean, yes I did move back in with my parents for a while at age 26 and sleep in a room/cupboard even Harry Potter would laugh at, but it has actually been the absolute best thing I’ve done.
Initially I thought, “Oh here we go again…you are such a failure! You’re a grown woman for Gods sake, start acting like one!” I completely isolated myself from the people that were so dear to me, feeling embarrassed about myself and not wanting to be a “burden”, however once I started talking and realizing that everyone needs a mini-retirement once in a while, I accepted the situation and started to enjoy my time at home without feeling guilty.
And so, thus far 2016 has been filled with epic decision making (ok, I lie, well, mostly…). I have started a Happiness Project (I’ll explain in more detail in my next post) and created my own Happiness Manifesto to stay on track with my resolutions, to remind me that I’m worth more than a freshly laid turd on the sidewalk, people walk through and to keep me from making the same mistakes I have in the past.
*Note, after a glass of wine or 5 this goes completely out the window and I cannot guarantee you will wake up without cringing about the night before.
Now, before I ramble on even further, yes 2015 may have been filled with some crappy decisions, and no doubt I’ll have plenty more to come in my life, but right now, I feel like I’m heading in the right direction and have some pretty exciting adventures coming up that I cannot wait to share with you all.
For now, au revoir, adios and keep being awesome!